About 12 1/2 years ago I went through a life changing personal growth workshop.  While I had always been a person who was striving to do better, my mind was blown that such a thing existed!  And actually worked!   Of course a big piece of the equation was me!  Almost from the start of the weekend long program I could sense something big and amazing was happening.  It was called transformation.  And I learned that I loved transformation!  I literally could not get enough of it that weekend.  And of course, a weekend isn’t long enough to do all the transforming of a lifetime.   

 

The program, was largely run by volunteers.  Once you completed both weekends of the workshop, you could volunteer to be a facilitator.

 

I completed the second weekend in January, 2009.  I felt renewed.  I felt better than the best I had ever felt.  It was as if the big pile of shit, years in the making, that I had been buried under, was cleared off me.  And I was freshly showered and in clean clothes!  It truly felt that amazing!  I had grown personally.  I had a new skill set.  I had been taught and learned new and more “skilled” ways to live and communicate.  It is difficult to explain.   I felt equipped to take all my relationships and friendships to new levels.  And I was excited by how much more I could offer as a human, in my world.  It was a sense of there being more of me.  More of my authentic self.  I had more self acceptance and appreciation. And a huge does of humility.

 

At the beginning of April, that year, I was asked to volunteer as a facilitator for the personal growth workshop!  What an honor!  How scary and exciting!

And truthfully, I was shocked that they asked!  So I asked a question back.  I asked, “ Do you even know what is going on in my life?!”  Despite all the growth I had done, I felt certain that they hadn’t heard the “news”.

 

You see, just a couple weeks before, my SECOND husband had left me and my kids!  While my kids and I were visiting my dad, he packed up his things and left.  There was no conversation, no communication.  He called and told me that he had left my minivan parked at the airport and that he was divorcing me.  And he hung up on me while I was trying to piece together a reply.  How would you even reply to that?

I felt so damaged.  So insignificant. So beyond worthwhile.  As if all the negative messages of my entire lifetime were suddenly now true.  Proven true by a man named Ken who left me in such a cowardly way.  How despicable must I be?  That he would leave me like that?  Without warning.  And then hang up on me?  What a horrible piece of shit I must be!

So the guy on the phone, from the personal growth workshop says to me, kindly and respectfully:  “Well, I heard that your husband left. . . And I am sorry.  But is there something else?”  I was stunned!  Why was he acting like my husband leaving me didn’t prove that I was the lowest form of life on earth?  I stumbled to find the words, while I grappled with the concept that the fact that my husband bailed didn’t diminish my value as a human.  And that even though he left,  this amazing personal growth program believed I would be a valuable member of the team!  Wow!  That was a lot to absorb.  And what if they were right?!  Now that was a possibility I wanted to embrace.  And in that moment I had a choice to make.  Would I listen to and buy into all the negativity and self doubt?  Or would I choose to believe that  I was good enough, regardless of the messages I had received throughout my life.

Fast forward 15 years and I am regular volunteer with that personal growth workshop.  I am actually a team captain and one of the lead facilitators!  And through and because of that  experience I discovered my gift and became a certified life coach!

So as humans, we have a choice to make.  We can carry around the self doubt and take on the toxicity of others, or we can remember who we know we are and believe in ourselves.  There will always be people trying to drag us down, but there are plenty of people who want to raise us up, who will have our backs.  We can choose who and what we pay attention to.

And . . . What if we looked at things like this as a launch pad for the next iteration of ourselves?

What if you used the “bad” event or situation as the fuel to take you to the next level?

The support exists for you to do that.  As a coach I help my clients do that.  I help them move through and beyond the difficult things and overcome the self doubt.  I help them to be able to live authentically, true to themselves.

The more we can show up authentically and confidently, the greater our impact can be.  There is only one you.